Instagram is a pretty rich place to find all kinds of species available on this planet. Not gonna lie Instagram has become pretty over saturated with all these kinds of annoying people and might as well be the next MySpace. Let’s face it the only reason why MySpace went down was because people got over who the most popular girl in high school was and what your crush’s favorite color was.
Social media since then has come a very long way from favorite songs to thigh gaps, basically a whole new level to make people feel insecure about themselves. So here are the kinds of pope you might find on Instagram, and wipe that smile off your face. I’m sure you fit in at least of the categories imp going to discuss. Heck we all will
1. The next best Photographer
Now these are the people who like taking pictures, and they’re not the ones who post selfie after selfie, NO they are even more annoying because they will upload the most random shit ever. Like a picture of the street captioned “my view in the morning’’ with 15 filters on it and sharpness increased to the maximum. Each and every post will be a click of the scenery, we get it, you have an expensive camera but if we wanted to see the sunrise we’d open the window and see it with our own eyes. Ain’t nobody got time for that
2. Hashtag it
Okay so this person will put in almost every hashtag that pops into their minds, just to get more likes and followers, hey miss you might get those likes and followers but you ain’t getting my respect. Sometimes the hashtags are not even remotely connected to the picture. Imagine if the picture is of a Fruit the hashtags would be as follow: EatingHealthy, GreenVegiesForLife, FitInFive, Vegan, CurvesForTheGirls, Fruit, Strawberry, Banana, BananaIsGood, SuchIsLife, Girl, Curve, Sexy, Hot.
Someone bring me my gun!
3. A grade escort
New clothes, shoes, nails, salon done hair, MK bag, LV shoes, Friends headphones, iPhone 6s in hand and a classic mirror selfie. Girl if you aint sucking the D’s, where are you getting the G’s from? She will be flying private with the best champagne, well I’m not going to fall for the fact that you’re flying solo. Either you have a money tree or a sugar daddy.
4. Nail Queen
Okay it’s a good thing you get your nails done, but if every single picture you post is you showing off you’re $7 manicure I’m unfollowing you. Nails are gross! And how are you doing shit if your nails are as sharp as a can opener, how are you wiping your ass without getting scratches all over? It’s a mystery I can never solve
5. The guy/girl in high school, who got hot
Now this is the type that annoys the shit out me, and I regret not being friends with them. I once knew a guy back in high school who was and ugly (no offence intended) and just the other day whilst scrolling through my feed I noticed him and I was like WHAT! This guy is HOT, not only did he manage to lose all that weight but managed to look like a model! I’m pretty sure we all have that one high school friend that got insanely hot, and now you sure as hell regret not trying to get to first base with them.
6. Selfie Monster
This person uploads nothing but selfies with the occasional hashtag; SelfieGameStrong. Uh no! selfie game not strong, how is this selfie any different from the 500 others you have uploaded? Plus the quality of your picture sucks.
7. Professional Makeup artists
These are the type of girls I hate, reminds me of the girls who were the first ones to get everything in middle school; boobs, periods, boyfriends and the New Care Bears! And now they’re markup artists and are the first ones to have the latest blush palettes, lipsticks and are basically best buddies with all them brands
8. The girls who give hoes a run for their money
Okay so these are the type of girls who have 99.9% males followers who comment ‘I would tap that’ and you know the worst part they actually enjoy getting these comments. These girls have their contour game strong with center partings and sleek hair, sharp nails and designer everything, and would rather post naked than fully clothed. These are the ‘free the nipple’ types who don’t really know a single thing about feminism but all they care about is getting naked and expecting to be called classy. Not quite sure how that works. It’s safe to say that she is the reason why we are reminded why we don’t want to have a daughter.
9. The stoner
We all have that one friend who likes smoking weed, and wants to remind everyone everyday how much he likes to smoke it. We get it dude, you’re a stoner, you don’t have to upload Bob Marley quotes every other day, your Instagram profile speaks for itself, next time, get a life maybe?
What’s worse than a guy stoner is a girl stoner. She is the girl who thinks ‘she’s keeping it real ya’ll’ and has some daddy issues and would rather smoke up and post about it than doing it alone.
10. Picture perfect
A pretty common type of Instagram personality. They are similar to professional makeup artists but annoyingly they also like posting FOTD and MOTD selfies. These girls are flawless, they were born with a magic wand in their mouth and basically have porcelain skin. How do you not have pores? These girls have highlight on point, contour on point, lashes on point, hair on point, outfit on point, basically whole life on point, and are “goals” for their followers.
11. The love couple
Now this is the type of couple who not only enjoys doing things together, but also likes to post their support and love on Instagram, the only difference between them and Kim and Kanye is that they haven’t shared their sex tape yet. We get it you’re in love but it’s best if something’s are left private, like kissing under the mistletoe maybe? Their relationship is so public that we can assume there’s been a rough patch when the pictures stop uploading.
12. The party goer
Some people just like to party all the time which is fine! But if you’re going to upload a dizzy video with strobe lights everyday people might think that’s all you do in life. And if you’re in collage and you’ve just started partying then it makes sense but if you’re almost 30 and still clubbing the shit out, what is your life?
13. The rich kids of Instagram
Instagram has given the rich kids the opportunity to flaunt their parents success and how carelessly they like to spend from their trust funds. The fly private, wear designer and travel all the time. The have all the best cars and watches, they have the bitches and part till dawn. Too bad their IQ isn’t as high as they are all night.
14. The girl who has the swag and game
So there are some girls who fall in love with every guy they meet and within 6 months get so close that their relationship becomes “goals” but right after they break up all the pictures are deleted, and soon the cycle continues when they find another mate. In between they will have captions ranging from: ‘you said to keep it on the low, so here you go’ to ‘you thought you was irreplaceable, but babe you thought wrong’. We get the hint, you’re Beyonce!
15. Your Ex
So that you’re old enough you won’t be deleting your ex from social media, because that is immature right, and mama raised you well so all you’re going to do is, upload pictures and show your ex just how over you are, and the worst part is there are no winners.
16. Master Chef Australia
Okay so there is a reason why you’re fat, you’re eating everything. If you eat everything you upload I’m sure you’re the size of a turkey. And these people like to cook too, so expect every Friday they’ll have a picture up captioned “made by me”
17. The cheap guy
This guy is inspired by all the rich kidskin town and decides boy ain’t gonna stay behind, so instead of uploading pictures of plates with bite sized entrees which cost $20 bucks, your homeboy will be posting the regular zinger burgers from KFC. They are worse than the master chef Australia ones, at least l]their pictures are good to look at.